Habit 1 - Part 4

According to Covey, anytime you think the problem is ‘out there’, that thought is the problem. Because when you focus on some problem that you have no control over, where is your mind? It is being reactive. You’ve given up your power to control your response, your action, to what is out there. Then you are living a self-fulfilling prophecy. The evidence is there to support your conviction that the problem is ‘out there’.

It is when we work on the outside edge of our Circle of Influence that it gets larger and larger. Maybe we’ve taken the initiative in taking care of our bodies, exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet. Although at one time it was on the outside edge of what we could influence - that is was uncomfortable and required conscious effort - after a time it became habit. I have also heard this called the comfort zone. By becoming aware of things we have choice over, and exercising that choice, and adapting our approach, the domains in which we become comfortable increase. Our Circle of Influence expands.

You may not, and probably won’t, get what you want quickly. But you will keep making deposits to the ‘emotional bank accounts’ you have with those around you, and planting seeds that may grow into future opportunities. But you can’t keep pulling up the flowers to see how the roots are doing.

If we focus on things that are outside our sphere of influence, we are part of the problem, not part of the solution. We have given up our initiative and any power to take proactive action, because we’ve got to wait for the outside world to change before we will.

The greatest test lies in areas where we have a lot of emotional attachments, because the reactive mind is driven by emotion. For many, family is the highest test. It’s not the Dachau concentration camp (as in Viktor Frankl’s case) that presents life’s greatest challenges. It is the daily problems like dealing with a spoiled kid, and uncooperative coworker, or a traffic jam. This is where the muscles of proactivity are exercised.

Are you impatient? Don’t argue for your weakness or it will become yours. Live out of your imagination, not your memory. This is not easy, but it the way to become most effective in life.

Covey challenges us to try it out for 30 days. To work on things we have to control over. To notice when we are focusing on things that we do not have control over, and refocus our minds.